


Batfamily Files

by Irishgrlnextdoor



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman - Fandom
Genre: Batfamily (DCU), Family Drama, Family Fluff, Random & Short, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23465488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irishgrlnextdoor/pseuds/Irishgrlnextdoor
Summary: Random bits and moments for the batfamily both in and out of mask, starting with taking a family photo.1. Family Photo2. Undercover Disguises
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78





	1. Family photo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wayne's pose together for one photo... or try to at least.

  
Family photo shoot

* * *

  
"This is a farce," Damian growled out from under his breath.

  
No one in the family replied to the comment, whether due to agreeance or not, because they didn't want to help the young boy in starting a fight. The tension hanging in the air was thick enough for that fire to start itself without fuel.

  
"We're getting a family portrait shot," had been the clipped order disguised as a message when Bruce had first called them all. "You will be there," he had informed each of them in turn.

  
For all of his more-or-less adopted children, this had incited varying levels of arguement. Everything from Cassandra's knitted eyebrows to Jason's mouth going full trucker-mode. All qualms had been squashed, tidily, when Bruce had delivered his counter arguement to each of them. "It will be something for Alfred."

  
Now they were all gathered.

  
The photography studio was a very prestigious one, and had all but jumped on Bruce for the chance to lend their services to the billionaire. With all the boys stuffed into their stiffest suits, and the girls encased in modest black dresses bought just for the occasion, they would have been ready to start, but they were missing one.

  
Bruce's oldest was never able to sit in one place very long. When he had noticed how cute the photographer's assistant was he had managed to slink away to flirt.

  
"Dick," Bruce beckoned, and that alone turned into enough in the already tense situation for the underlying frustrations of a few others to find a direction to turn their ire towards.

  
"Will you stop acting like an idiot so we can snap this stupid picture and go?" Jason snapped at the older man.

  
Damian hissed back at Bruce's tallest son in disdain, "Do not take such a tone with your superiors, Todd. Grayson, do hurry up though. I can only stand the stench of Drake's body spray for so long and it's sure to lose its fight against his natural stench at any minute, which would only be even more intolerable."

  
"I don't have a stench!"

  
"You little gremlin, you're two seconds away from taking this photo with a bloody nose!"

  
"You just try it, Todd. If anything's going to cause my nose to bleed, however, Drake stands a better chance than you right now." That haughty glare turned fully towards Tim then. "You spritz. You don't use cologne as a substitute for a bath because you can't remember to bathe for a week."

  
Tim's whole face burned, Stephanie meeting Damian's glare head on even as Bruce snapped, "Damian, enough."

  
Stephanie leaned down closer to the youngest, "Tim did his best to get here at all. The last two days have been so busy for him he hasn't slept more than six hours. His cologne is fine! I bought it for him myself."

  
Damian's little nose scrunched with even more distaste. "I should have suspected as much."

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Steph demanded, fists balled.

  
Bruce put a hand between them to keep them from getting any closer to each other. "Enough, both of you. Tim's cologne is fine. Dick," he tried again, a little more urgency creeping into his voice.

  
Dick reluctantly pulled himself away from the assistant, keeping his smile bright and photo-ready as he returned to the flock, pinching into place between Bruce and Jason in the back row.

  
Barbara glanced back from where her chair was parked in front of Jason. It was impossible to tell if she was amused or annoyed by Dick's habitual flirting. "Did you even manage to catch a name this time?"

  
Dick's cheeks pinkened for her like they would for no one else but his grin only spread wider. "You assume so little of me. Her name is Jennifer."

  
Cass's brows drew in confusion as she leaned forward from the far side of the front row. "The photographer called her Chelsea earlier."

  
Stephanie gaped in astonishment. "You weren't even close!"

  
Barbara now looked very amused as she turned back around and smoothed out the skirt of her black dress, ignoring Dick's sputtering.

  
Jason gave a snort of laughter. "You dumbass."

  
Then Dick turned on Jason, arguing to the contrary. Damian had turned back around to snarl up at the larger man once more with more threats and reprimands. Jason snarled right back at the both of them, even threatening to leave.

  
Stephanie started telling the back of Damian's head that he had some nerve for coaching anyone else on giving respect. Tim tried pleading with Steph to just let it drop.

  
Cass and Barbara both looked ready to bolt from this mess.

  
The photographer shared their expression as he stood dumbfounded next to the tripod.

  
Bruce's voice barely rose above all the other noises that continued with their tirades. "We are going to take one nice photo for Alfred, that's an order. Photographer, on my count. One, two... Three!"

  
Exactly on the count if three, all bickering cut off and those in the front turned back around. All backs straightened, all smiles stretched, and the camera flashed.

  
Exactly three seconds after the flash settled the spell broke, and the arguing started up right where it had left off.

  
Mission accomplished.


	2. Undercover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going undercover with Dick Grayson is... embarrassing for his brothers

Undercover

* * *

"This mission will require some evidence gathering," Bruce informed them, having gathered Dick, Tim, and Jason, into the cave with him. He started the briefing, pulling up photos of Senator Patoski on the Batcomputer, as well as various locations. "We have reason to believe that the senator is involved and possibly even organizing a smuggling ring involving the trafficking of fake pharmaceuticals. In order to gather more information we will need to do some undercover work.

"Yes!" Dick fist-pumped.

At his reaction both Jason and Tim groaned like it was the end of the world. 

Bruce glanced to them in confusion, and Tim cracked under that look first, sending a half-apologetic look to Dick even as he answered. "Just...does Dick have to go undercover. Can't he do.... anything else?" 

Dick looked positively abashed as he turned to his brothers then. "Why shouldn't I go undercover? I'm great at undercover. I usually gain more valuable intelligence than any one else while undercover."

Both shuffled their weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. 

Tim stumbled over his words, softer now. "I- I know it's just... it's not that you're not good at it. The opposite really. It's more that you're... you can be a bit too..." 

"Oh hell," Jason scoffed, coming out with it, "You're embarrassing when you go undercover. There, someone finally said it!"

Dick went from abashed to absolutely stricken, mouth hanging open in a rare moment of speechlessness. 

Bruce was no longer confused, he understood what they were talking about, and he hastely turned the back of his chair to them as he busied himself with the files, not about to touch this one. 

"W-what do you mean embarrassing?!" Dick protested, brows starting to knit as his shock morphed to outrage. "I commit whole heartedly to a disguise I take on. I can act circles around any one of you. I always put myself right where I need to be to gather the information we need... don't I?" 

Jason looked beside himself, giving a small shake of his head. "Oh you most certainly do. No one's disputing any of that." 

"I'm failing to see the issue here then," Dick huffed.   
Tim scratched awkwardly at the back of this head. "It's just... the characters you pick to play. Your disguises tend to be... well... your disguises are the issue." 

"My disguises are clearly not an issue when they work as well as they do!"

Jason scoffed then. "Your disguise at the catholic church last mission nearly blew mine and Tim's cover! We were so embarrassed!" 

Understanding flashed across Dick's eyes at last, but it only fueled his anger as he pointed an accusing finger at them. "You nearly blew your own covers! Don't put that on me. I was the one that found the secret tunnels under that church that Falcone was using to package and store his drug shipments in." 

"Our covers were nearly blown because instead of going disguised as a priest like me or an alter boy like Tim," Jason growled, "You show up and go strutting by us all dressed as a nun! Not even a respectable nun! You were giggling and batting your eyes at the other priests." 

Dick let out a snort, unconcerned by the embarrassment it may or may not have caused his brothers. "Father Gioni was on the uptake. We're all lucky he wanted to show Sister Mary his secret makeout spot so bad, considering it was the entrance to the tunnels. You're all welcome for that." 

Jason smacked himself in the face out of frustration.   
Tim let out another low groan. "You're not getting it... what about the time we had to go undercover to investigate some human trafficking charges at one of Black Mask's strip clubs? We all got jobs... Jason as a bouncer, me as a waiter, and you as a-

"As one of the fucking strippers!" Jason practically squawked, cutting Tim off once more. "Spending the mission watching you shake your ass for tips in booty shorts all night was one of the worst to date!" 

Dick planted his fists on his hips, unashamed. "Hey, I busted that one when they tried to traffic your's truely. That deserves another thank you! Plus I was making enough in tips doing that that I could have bought Bruce's company out from under him in five short years!" 

"That wasn't one of the worst to date," Tim disagreed, shaking his head at Jason before turning that wince back upon Dick. "I think the worst was at the museum." 

Jason paused in his dressing down at the reminder, suddenly letting that frustration go as he seemed to retreat back into himself. "Oh yeah... yeah... the museum. That was worse." 

Dick rolled his eyes, looking ready to stomp away, but Bruce finally turned around at that, brows knitting. "What museum?"

All three suddenly took on far guiltier expressions, but again Tim fessed up for them. "It was while you were off world on a mission, Bruce. There were art theives... we handled it."

Bruce's eyes narrowed as they shifted between each of his boys. "I saw nothing about that in the reports. You know you're to always update the files whenever you-

"As if I wanted to go over the details of that night," Jason protested, adamantly. "It was bad enough living through it the first time." 

"Okay that's a gross exaggeration!" Dick protested. "It was... unorthodox, so we left it out."

"You're the gross exaggeration!" Jason barked, as scandalized as Bruce had ever seen him by whatever memories of that night he had. 

"What happened at the museum?" Bruce demanded. 

Dick straightened and turned to face him, chin held high. "I nabbed some art theives. That's what. Now they're drawing their own masterpieces in jail using food colorings."

Tim let out another aggravated sigh. "You left out the part where Jason and I both disguised ourselves as security and a museum curator. Where as you..." Tim turned back to Bruce then. "You've seen those street performers downtown? The ones that paint themselves bronze and stand still like statues?" 

Bruce cocked a brow then, glancing over to his eldest. "You went undercover as a bronze statue?"

"God, we wish!" Jason bemoaned, hiding his face in his hands. 

Tim's lip curled in distaste. "No. He used matt grey stone finishing and made himself into a living statue... in the section housing the staues brought in from Rome. The... you know... the naked era," Tim clarified with a grimace. 

Dick merely shrugged. "I fought them just fine even so, and thanks to the grey paint they wouldn't be able to pick me out of a lineup still today."

"Not without seeing your junk painted grey anyway," Jason cringed behind his hands. "I'm still trying to unsee it."

Bruce asked no further questions, dropping the matter all together and turning back to the computer.   
"Well..." he cleared his throat to change the subject. "This time you'll be going undercover at the Senator's gala. It's a private affair, only the elite of Gotham will be there, including Bruce Wayne and Timothy Drake-Wayne. We will be attending as ourselves, so our disguises are already secured. Jason and Dick, you will have to gain your own for this. With this kind of shindig there shouldn't be anything too outlandish to pose as. Just... get as close to the Senator as you can. There are others on the invite list I suspect him of dealing his false pharmaceuticals through. Start preparing tonight." 

X

The party was indeed a lavish one, taking place in an upstanding hotel on one of the highest floors. It was opulence to a sickening level, and so were the people gathered there. 

Bruce and Tim fit right in thanks to their family names and upbringing, putting on their dumb playboy and his shy, innocent, adopted son acts. 

Despite the personas they were born and bred into, they had hardly gotten a chance to interact with the Senator at all that night, much less when he was speaking privately to those suspected of involvement with his shady dealings. 

Jason didn't fair much better, but he caught a few hushed words here and there that could indicate more talk later in the night when the senator would float around his tray of horderves. Disguising himself as a waiter was only getting him so far, however, as the senator took another spinach puff and shuffled away. 

Bruce whispered in his ear as he slipped up to Jason and reached for one as well. "Any luck?" 

"Certainly nothing concrete," Jason hissed back. "Maybe they'll talk later. I don't have enough food on this damn tray to keep his fat ass here for very long." 

"Keep trying," Bruce merely ordered. "Where's Dick?" 

"Hell if I know," Jason scoffed. He had been checking the other waiters and cooks all night without spotting him. 

"Keep an eye out," Bruce sighed. "Once he gets here maybe- 

There was a rise of murmurings and excitement from the doors as the events director opened up the double doors wide and addressed the crowd with an air of decadence. "Estimed guests of Senator Patoski, thank you all for your attendance. We have arranged for a very thrilling feast for your pleasure tonight. A marvel of entertainment from overseas, here for the first time tonight. Bon appetit!" 

With a flourish he stepped aside and staff started wheeling in long tables set with fancy spreads of meat and fruits, gaining more and more gasps and stifled shrieks of delight as they were wheeled by the upper-crust. 

It was only when Jason and Bruce moved to let a cart through that they saw... and then they could have died right then and there. 

The carts, three in total, all held food, but it was an array of fruits and delicacies, artfully arranged and placed upon the naked bodies of young models. Dick was on the one wheeled by them' covered only in strategically placed leaves and food for the guests to eat directly off of him. 

The only risk Dick made to his cover was to wink at Bruce and Jason quickly as he was wheeled past. 

They stood in stunned silence for a moment, before turning to watch as the cart was parked and the Senator quickly made his way over to start picking out some choice pieces to eat. It was only a minute later that one of his suspected associates moved to join him.

Bruce and Jason watched, dumbfounded as while everyone else gathered around the models to marvel and enjoy themselves, the two suspected men dropped their voices to speak together right over Dick's head, no more concerned with him overhearing than they were with their own plates.   
It was... so unfair. 

Jason and Bruce were so flabbergasted that neither noticed Tim approach the cart unsuspectingly until it was too late, the younger detective letting out a startled shout as he dropped his piece of watermelon back onto Dick's bare thigh and flat out darted away with a red face that screamed mortification. The rest of Gotham's elite laughed in his wake, commenting and giggling about the "innocence of youth".   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave kudos or requests

**Author's Note:**

> Shoot me a review and feel free to suggest a prompt there. Can't promise anything but inspiration might strike.  
> Subscribe to this for whenever more bits might be dumped here. You can also find me on tumblr under the same username.


End file.
